Things have been going rather strangely in my life. Things keep coming up that are unexpected and unwanted. But I deal with them. I am getting a lot better with dealing with things.

Christmas day my Dad didn't come over for Christmas. We were beginning to see the tip of a dark ice-burg. My Dad was really sick. His liver was about 95% damaged. His stomache, feet, legs and face were filling with fluid from his body that wasn't getting filtered. He finally went into the hospital on January 3rd 2004. The night he went in the doctors were about 99% sure he was going to die within the night. I waited at home the whole night. Tissue mountains surrounded my stiff body on the couch. My eyes were swollen and red from tears. I knew when the phone rang it was my mom's signal to rush up to the hospital to say goodbye to my Dad. My 43 year old Dad. I slept with the phone in my arms turned to the highest volume possible so I wouldn't miss a few rings because they were precious moments in my Dad's life. I woke up early the next morning. The phone soundless.

My dad made it the first night... but odds were against him for the second night. He made it. Worst odds for the third night... he made it. There were days when his belly was huge, his feet were wripping they were so full of fluid, the whites of his eyes were replaced by a horrible yellow. Yellow. A colour I will no longer love. It is a colour that showed my father's condition... his closeness to death. Most days were like this.

After 4 weeks he was released from the hospital. The doctors shook my dad's hand when he left the morning of Febuary the 4th. They said they were humbled to shake the hand of a living miracle. Someone who had been boldly given a second chance at life when all odds were against him. A living miracle.

I have never cried so much. Never. Every night, no matter how optomistic I was about his survival, I would fall asleep on a wet pillow. I would wake up with swollen eyes, so make-up was a must. Yet tears could only spring free at night. I couldn't fall apart infront of my family. I went all 31 days walking in on my mom crying, calling my Nanny and listening to her weep about my father's seemingly impending death, and having to explain to my sister for hours on end how my dad was going to be ok. Three of the strongest women I have ever known were looking to me for strength. My mother who grew up with 6 siblings, a 7th dieing from SIDS, living in near poverty after her father died when she was 14. My Nanny who lived in Ireland around countless wars and hunger stricken people. My sister giving birth to her first son when she was 17 and her first daughter when she was 19. These three strong women had no strength but what I gave them.

My dad is doing well. He was given a new lease on life which gave my family more time with my father and more respect for the time that we are given. Life and I know it... is forever changed... and I am thankful.